Memories vs Bonds

confession? nothing new, at least..

why am i always envious of others..i have a good life, yet im not satisfied..i have a good fate, being born into a not-bad family, yet im not happy..maybe im just someone who's destined to live a failed life..

but that cannot be true, cuz everyone holds destiny in their own hands..i believe in this, yet i dont seem to be doing anything about it..i know that if i dont study, almost every single person around me will be disappointed..every single person except the one whom i wish would care about me even a little bit..

everyone else has something to look forward to in the near future..they wait, at most, for weeks to pass..whereas for me, i need to wait for months..and not very few in numbers..

im ever so far away..i cannot do alot of things which most people take for granted..some of them always tell me "u have the chance to go overseas to study, make full use of it la..alot of ppl wanna study overseas also cannot"..so true..why dont we swap places..cuz i feel u're not making full use of your advantage of being around everyone in your life..

i wish YOU could at least look at me once in a while..with sincere eyes and honest feelings..it's a lie to say that i am not afraid of negetive results, but what im even more afraid of is untruth..it's hard for me to explain, it's hard for YOU to understand, but i hope YOU will..eventually..

when i dreamt of YOU that night, it was so real..even if it wasn't real, i sincerely wished for it to be real..i kinda knew it was a dream while i was still dreaming, but i just didnt wanna think of it as a dream, but rather a dream come true..the word "finally" was in my mind that whole time..when i lost sight of YOU, i panicked..when i held YOU in my arms, i felt the whole world was right..nothing had to change..not even time..

when i was finally woken up by i-dunno-what, i was reluctant to get up..i actually forced myself to stay slpy and hope i get back to slp and continue the dream, which sometimes happen to me when i didnt want to..this time, i was really hoping for that..it didnt happen of course..it was a dream afterall..

i wish it was real..i wanna hold YOU in my arms..i wanna feel YOU close to me..

sincerely..

April 1st

today is april fool's day..i wonder how this day actually came about..i've never really bothered much about april fool's day..it has always been just a normal day for me for the past years of my life..not much difference this year too..

it's just that something got me thinking..

today is the day which people will not bear grudges for practical jokes played on them..people will not get angry when they get pranked..people will not take others seriously when it comes to absurd things..

today feels short..shorter than other april fool's day..it's not because i suddenly have alot of pranks to play on others..but rather, i have alot of things i wanna say which pass off better as pranks..

some things are better left unsaid..

Missing you...

People that i miss:

Anne
Asmond
Caleb
Candy
Charlotte
Charmaine
Daphne
Horn
Huizi
Janet
Jern
Jolene
May
Melanie
Melvin
Moxi
Nadia
Samantha
Wanyan
Weixian
Xuesi
Ying
Zhilun

alphabetical order so not in order of what else u think it might be..